the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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