so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
