dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
