thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize