Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
