is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
