Well douche your snatch and let's go!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
