While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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