yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
