I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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