I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
