Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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