Apparently you make a good broom.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
