I puked a lego.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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