I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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