Is it because I queefed?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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