I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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