Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
