I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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