Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I lost the right to judge tonight
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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