Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I will pee on everything he values.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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