please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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