I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
