dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
