I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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