This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
