I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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