where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
