As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
