So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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