Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he fucked my hip out of place.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
