ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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