Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
