You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
