Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
