Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize