remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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