Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
