I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
