Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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