my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
