For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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