also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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