How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
