Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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