its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize