you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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