u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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