I want to make a zoo with you.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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