It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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