My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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