If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize