Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I didn't notice because vodka
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
