I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
