Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
