I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
