I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I lost the right to judge tonight
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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