I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
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so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
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