I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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