new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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