She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
