how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
