3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
