Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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