god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize