Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
