Betty ford says i'm here all night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
