The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
