Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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