Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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