my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
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She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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