I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just found a bag of teeth...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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