seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
