Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
