Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
