Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize