The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
