We named our party play list daddy issues
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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