don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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