Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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