I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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