Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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