Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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