It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
