Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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