you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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