had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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