Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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