there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
