They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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