Im at strip club and am horny
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
