playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
